he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
