It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
