im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
