whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
my phone needs a breathalizer
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
