If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
