Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
He felt like a one man threesome
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
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