I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
