did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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