Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
