Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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