So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
