You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
