Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
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