I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Randomize
