I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
