i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
