Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
