It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
