It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
