I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Randomize
