That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
