why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
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