i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
