Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
You were trust falling into bushes
Randomize
