just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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