Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Randomize
