we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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