I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
