Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
