Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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