using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
