Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
