Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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