I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
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