i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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