Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
