Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
