5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
