New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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