I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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