"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
