Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
