Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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