I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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