were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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