i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
