I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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