You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Randomize
