Are we in a gay sports bar?
I smell stomach acid.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
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