I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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